I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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