So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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