playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
