And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
