this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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