i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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