Don't make out with my wife yet
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
