My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
