i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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