Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
