Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
