note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
