is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Mom said you looked used
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
