Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
