party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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