i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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