like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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