Swine flu is the new snow day.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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