Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
