If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
