Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
