no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
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Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
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You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
false alarm, still single
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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