Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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