Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My feet surprised me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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