She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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