I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
