come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
