The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
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I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
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Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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