i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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