thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
