Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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