He felt like a one man threesome
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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