proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
