She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
