I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
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"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
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I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.