There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
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I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!