She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
