i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy