you would pick up someone in the library
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you