she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
third nipple confirmed
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do