Say something about gay babies.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
