Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
