This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
