My pussy is not your playground.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
