I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
