Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm sobbing to NWA
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
