She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
