omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize