Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Hippo gnu deer
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
