Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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