It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
