It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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