Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
