So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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