According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
time to smoke my breakfast
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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