I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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