just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize