i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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