Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
