turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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