I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
