Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
