just come out here and I will go home with you...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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