brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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