Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
