Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
