Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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