Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
